Overcoming the Fear of Being Seen

Shubham Dhage

I go to conferences, as an attendee or speaker, and they always offer me drinks. I don’t drink and so I always decline. Pertaining to this, In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear brings up two people quitting cigarettes. The two are asked if they’d like a cigarette, and one says, “I’m trying to quit.” The other says, “I’m not a smoker.” Clear uses this example to share that change happens at the identity level when you’re trying to adopt new habits - which is something I found to be true in my journey of overcoming the fear of being seen.

Here is how I overcame my fear of being seen:

Reading and Identifying your patterns:

If you’re not aware of your own patterns, then it takes so much more just to grow. One of the first steps towards overcoming the fear of being seen is to understand the root of our fears. This requires some journaling, notes-app time, and time spent identifying our patterns. It involves observing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors & understanding what triggers our fears. By reading and identifying our patterns, we can challenge our negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that have held us back from being seen.

Allow Yourself to be seen:

Being seen is an act of vulnerability. There are moments I don’t want anyone to perceive me. Allowing yourself to be authentic and sharing your thoughts and emotions with others takes courage. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but gradually opening up to others can lead to deeper connections and a sense of belonging. It is helpful to start small and build up gradually, beginning with sharing your thoughts and feelings with friends & people you trust.

Investigate your Curiosities & Interests:

Giving attention and time to your curiosities is a cheat code to giving yourself permission to be seen. When we pursue what we love, we often feel more confident and authentic. This helps you break down your fears and allow yourself to be seen more fully. Investigating our curiosities and interests can help us explore our authentic selves and build self-confidence over time. It is essential to make time for the things we love and prioritize self-care to overcome the fear of being seen.

Here are the practical steps you can take to overcome the fear of being seen:

1. Take time to read and identify your patterns. Observe your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and notice what triggers your fears.

2. Practice vulnerability by sharing your thoughts or feelings with someone you trust. Start small and gradually work your way up to more significant disclosures.

3. Investigate your curiosities and interests. Pursue activities that make you feel confident and authentic.

4. Remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself. Overcoming the fear of being seen is a process, and it's okay to make mistakes or feel uncomfortable at times.

What I remind myself every day: it’s all learnable. You can learn to embrace your true self and connect more deeply with those around you and with what you’re passionate about. Remember, it's okay to feel scared or uncomfortable, but the rewards of being seen are worth it.

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